


Feeling Nothing

by itsamegayjax



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 10:52:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18893155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsamegayjax/pseuds/itsamegayjax
Summary: (For Marth May on Tumblr.)I honestly don't even know what this is. Writer's block is shit and yeah. Enjoy reading my crappy writing. :)





	1. Nothing To Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1-AU
> 
> My AU? Um, well... It's like...Uhhhhhh. Something. Where Markus remembers all the things he and North did as children, teens, adults. Though he's oblivious to the fact that he's dead.

_Detroit, Michigan-3 Days Before..._

* * *

Large, blazing fires smiled deviously at Markus, who couldn't move from his place. How could something so small turn into a huge thing? It was outrageous! He pulled his shirt up to cover his mouth and nose, though forgetting that he already inhaled a lot of smoke. Shit, he couldn't believe this. It had to be a dream, more like a nightmare. A nightmare that had an end, but needed to be fought for. Markus put a hand out in front of him, trying to find a wall or something. Something other than smoke.

His vision had the same thick black chemicals full of hatred and revenge. As said before, this had to be a nightmare. Soon enough he'll wake up in bed in the middle of the night with sweat dripping down his forehead. That can happen, right? But right now, he needed to find a way out of hell. This house was no longer the place he lived in, instead, it was the enemy. Trying to keep him trapped in there to die. There was no way he was going to die, not today.

Markus tripped over what felt like a vase, falling on his side. A broken piece of the glass cut deeply into his forearm, making him scream out in complete pain. But is cries for help were never heard by a soul. He flipped onto his back, gazing at the gray smoke, the same way he gazed at the stars; full of amazement. His breathing slowed, his vision becoming impaired, his previous pain slowly fading. He didn't want to leave this way. No one would want to leave like this. He needed to get out of here. He needed to get up and tumble outside.

He needed to see North once more.

Her laugh. Her smile. Her eyes. Everything. Markus needed to see her one last time before it all ends for him. But how did he know he would leave? He could just get lucky and survive. Like all the other fictional movies he's seen. But he knows he won't get out of this jam. Groaning in pain, he pushed himself up with his bleeding arm to where he could crawl. Despite the complete and utter hate radiating from his arm, he pulled himself forward again and again. His gasps for air became desperate. He needed to see the green grass again. He needed to see the blue sky. Every small detail from the world he needed to see one last time.

"Markus, " An unrecognizable voice said softly. He stopped and closed his eyes. This can't be real. "What are you doing? You won't survive this. Why bother?" It felt all too real, which is why he believed the voice. He kept pulling and pushing himself forward. He needed to believe. "Markus, stop, please. You can't make it out alive. You'll die. Soon enough you'll be with dad and I. Do you really want that? C'mon, Markus, make a reasonable choice here. Just let the smoke take over. Let the flames cover your body like a blanket. Let the peace take control of your body. It'll be over before you know it." He can't listen to it. He can't listen Leo! He knows it's all in his head. It always has been.

But why would Markus want the flames win this fight? That's when he remembered. He remembered something he didn't want to. He was only a few feet away from the door, he knew that. But he stopped dead in his tracks. This whole fire shithole wasn't an accident that he caused. It had a purpose behind the whole thing. And it involved Leo taking back his life. His whole unlived life. The life he never appreciated. The life he never loved. This fire was trying to actually kill Markus. It didn't just come in to say hi, it came to kill him. It didn't make any sense though. How did someone who was dead start this fire? Maybe Leo was the devil he called himself.

Markus didn't feel the need to keep moving. That voice was all he needed to hear. To know that out beyond this world his dad and Leo were still alive, somewhat. He knew leaving himself there to die would kill North emotionally. But as Leo told him, there was no point in fighting the flames. Even if he left behind everything he started, he knew someone would finish the race for him. Someone who followed his every step. And he felt guilt gnaw away at him for when he remembered who that someone was. But this was for the best. He didn't want to live and be unrecognizable to all his friends and family. And he didn't need the title of traitor given by his dad. So, he stopped trying. He gave in.

The multi-colored ring on his left hand was shining brightly because of the flames. Kudos to North for making the ring look like a work of art. But what stood out were the initials, N+M, painted in white on it. The red, blue, yellow, green, purple, pink, orange, and grey colors beamed like sunshine. The tattoos on his wrist held the name of his child. The kid he loved ever so dearly. The kid who changed his entire life. The kid who only he only saw to reach age eleven last week. His smile, his laugh, his eyes. A small smile like his mothers', blue plus green eyes like his father, and the loud, obnoxious laugh of his grandfather.

And that kid's name was Markus.

Just like his dad. His dad who gave up on life all because of an imaginary voice. A dad who was unforgettable, and forgetful all together. A dad who taught him how to play baseball at such a young age. A dad who taught him how to paint. How to express what he was feeling on a little canvas. Markus wanted his son to remember that no matter how hard life got, to fight through it. But why would he say that when he was giving up already? How ungrateful of him, they may say. Let them say what they want. Insults or compliments, it's better than tears.

Enough smoke was in his lungs to kill him. But for some reason, his heart never stopped beating. It was still fighting. Clashing head-to-head against the smoke. He closed his eyes, but they still remain open. He wanted it to end. All the noises, the fire, the smoke, everything. But no one gets every request answered. Markus knew this wasn't the end for him. But he wanted it to be. His son wouldn't want him to die. He would want him to fight. He would want his dad to crush the fire. Stomp on its head with the heel of his boot. To kill it with his last remains of hope.

_"Daddy!" His son called happily. Markus smiled and picked him up in a giant hug, swinging him around. MJ (Markus Jr.) giggled and felt like he was flying. "I feel like a bird, daddy. Wait, but I'm not a bird. I'm a plane!" Markus chuckled before positioning MJ to where he was on his shoulders. He ran around the front lawn in circles and zig zags. "Wheeeeee! I'm a plane! Look, mommy, I'm a plane!" His mom, North, snorted playfully from the doorway, grinning widely. MJ made noises a plane would possibly make while Markus kept running around. Its nice to feel like this. Happy and loved. Markus has been working overtime to get a special present for MJ for his eleventh birthday._

_Eventually Markus stopped running around and took MJ off of his shoulders. "Come on, bud. Let's get inside before it rains." His son frowned but ran inside the house before him. Markus watched him run inside with a grin before walking up to North. "Well, hey there, beautiful. How you doing this fine day?" He playfully asked while putting his hands on her hips. North rolled her eyes, setting her hands on his shoulders. "How was his first day at school? Any bullies I should beat up?" She chuckled, leaning in to kiss him. Markus pulled her closer, closing his eyes and melting into the kiss._

_"Ew! That's gross!" MJ exclaimed, horrified at the scene he just witnessed. Markus pulled away and smiled at the young boy. He released North from his grasp and ran after the boy. "Ah! Daddy stop!" Markus tickled his son to death. "Mommy, help me! He's gonna kill me with tickles! I can't handle it!" North chuckled and pried Markus away from the young boy. "Finally! Now, let's get him!" MJ picked up a foam sword and aimed it at Markus. "Attack! Quick! He's gonna come back and fight us at any moment!" North saluted and chased after Markus, who ran around the couch, trying to avoid the deadly sword and the even deadlier North. But because of her haste speed, the had him cornered and MJ drew his sword at him. "Any last words?" Markus sighed._

_"Yeah, " He reached behind him and pulled out his own sword. "Come at me! Come on!" Markus avoided the swing MJ threw at him and recovered by hiding next to the couch. "You have to do better than that, King MJ!" The young boy came sprinting at Markus with his weapon drawn. Markus stood up and held his sword the same way MJ did. He blocked his swings and the latter did the same. But since his arm got tired, it gave MJ the advantage to strike, which be did. He pierced Markus through the heart, like in the animated cartoons he's seen. "Agh, you got me!" Markus fell to his knees, holding his chest and he dropped his sword. "This isn't over, King MJ! I will come back for youuuu..." He said, letting the last word go on. Markus fell to his side, pretending to be deceased._

_"King MJ: five. Daddy: zero. This is the fifth time I've beat him." MJ said while looking at his dad. "You need to get better at fighting, daddy."_

Why did it have to play in his head? He didn't need that to happen. Why was it so hard to let go? But so easy to grasp on? He had already been filled with guilt, he didn't need to see his son to be given even more regret. Markus heard footsteps approach him. They sounded heavy and quick. Firemen, he thought. They finally came for him. And, lucky for him, had isn't head. He can be called a disgrace now. It didn't matter. Because he knew he wasn't going to make it far. He knew by the time he got IVs inserted into him, he would already be a lost cause. And be never even got to say goodbye.

So he guessed this meant goodbye.

* * *

_Detroit, Michigan-Present Time_

* * *

 

Markus jolted awake. His eyes wide with fear and confusion. Where the hell was he? He looked around, not sure what to say. Or if he could even say anything. It seemed like a blank area. Nothing but sand and a stone path lit up by dim torches. He stood up, his legs thing with pain and stiffness. His arm felt odd as well. He examined it and saw a scar, wherever that came from, be didn't seem to remember. This was weird. He trudged down the path, looking around just to be safe. After a few minutes of trudging, he came across a desk. Like the ones he used in school. He grinned shyly and swept a hand on the surface of it. Then appeared a note. A sticky note. With someone else's handwriting. He recognized it.

_"I kinda like you. -North"_

She made the first move. He's been telling grand stories about him telling her about his crush. When in reality, she liked him first. Deep down he liked her too, but school just got in the way. Markus smiled and picked up the note the same way he did when he got it, with a blush. After a few minutes of reading those words over and over again, they faded away. Little specks of dust flying into the abyss. He watched the particles disappear into nothing. He kept walking, head hung low. That's when he noticed his apparel. A paint-stained grey hoodie and faded jeans, along with brown boots. Why did he recognize those clothes? That question had to wait because he came across another object. But much larger.

Bleachers? What did that have to do with anything? That's when Markus noticed the initials written in marker on one of the benches. N+M. And a heart around it. That was in high school. A long time ago, what felt like ages. He saw two figures kissing each other. And that's when he realized that those figures where him and North. The letterman jacket, jeans, and all that. He knew it was him. Then he heard an annoying noise, the bell. The pair hopped off of the bench and ran to class, hand in hand. He painfully grinned, recalling on that eventful day.

As more and the more objects passed, the more he started to remember. Remember all the things he did before passing on. But there was one that will stick with him no matter what.

When MJ wrapped his hand around his finger. Markus will never forget that day. How happy he was to be a father. It may have taken him time to learn how to be a dad, but he knew he taught MJ well enough to where he could live on his own. MJ was an independent young man who has a bright future.

Markus just wishes he didn't have to leave so soon.

* * *

"Mommy, where's daddy?" MJ asked as he grasped onto her hand tightly. North didn't have an answer for him. She couldn't answer him. She didn't know how to answer him. It would just end up in tears. "Mommy? I miss daddy. Where do you think he is?" North inhaled a shaky breath.

"He's in a better place, " She responded. Though it wasn't the answer he was looking for.

"I don't think so, " He said. North gave him a shocked glance. "I mean...He left us without saying goodbye. It was like he wanted to leave us behind. Like he wanted to die."

"MJ, that's not true. Your father would never leave us behind like that." She said, looking back at the guilt covered stone grave.

"But it is true."

* * *

_"Happy birthday, MJ!" Markus shouted happily into his room. MJ sat up, scared. "Come on, bud! Let's go! We've got a whole adventure planned for the two of us!" He ran up to MJ, carrying the young boy out of bed and down the stairs into the living room. "Who's eleven years old now? Huh?"_

_"Me! It's me!" MJ cheerfully replied. Markus started to tickle MJ while laughing along with him. "No-Daddy, stop! Not this again!" Markus reluctantly stopped tickling him and swung MJ over his shoulders. "I'm a plane!"_

_"You sure are, bud, " Markus smiled to himself. "Happy birthday, MJ."_

 

 

 


	2. Stiff And Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> North passes on and Markus is left alone to speak to her grave. He says some things he wishes he said before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried.

**Day 2-Things Left Unsaid**

**Song Inspiration-Where Do You Run, The Score**

* * *

The stone that lay buried in the ground was slick and shiny, being newly added to the other lost souls. Markus set a bouquet of flowers on the green grass, obviously aware that it won't bring her back. His son, MJ, pulling his hood over his head, shielding himself from the despised snow. He sat in the grass, reading the engraved name over and over again.

North Manfred-Jacobs

MJ would cry, but he knew his dad would fall apart as well. He didn't want that. His dad was always the one telling them to be happy and stay strong. To see him frowning and holding back tears was new ground to MJ. He had never seen his dad like that. So he took his dad's hand in his, holding it tightly with such confidence. Markus glanced at him with a small smile, though quickly fading at his looked back at the rock.

"Please don't cry, dad, " MJ pleaded, tugging on Markus' hand to look at him. "Cuz then if you cry, I'll cry. And you always told mom and I to be happy. To be strong. Even in the darkest times. Like this. So please, don't cry." MJ looked into his dad's eyes, ocean blue and mountain green. Such unique colors, full of purpose and humanity. To some who actually cared to know.

"I'm not gonna cry, MJ, " Markus avoided his son's gaze. "I'm just really sad. I bet you are too. This loss is just too hard for me to handle. But you're staying strong for me and your mom. Thank you for that. It shows an act of bravery. A rare trait given to a Manfred. I never got it. Luckily you did though." MJ beamed brightly, hoping to bring light to this dark day. No such luck.

"This loss doesn't have to kill us, though. We can fight past it. Like the warriors we are, right?" He held up a fist, waiting for it to get bumped. And when it did, he reached inside his pocket for something. "That day in the hospital. When mom was dying, she gave me this. She told me to give it to you. So you'll never forget her." MJ pulled out an all too familiar ring.

A silver ring, with flecks of red and orange for fire. North was his fire. His complete motivation. And he loved her for it. Markus slowly took the object into his hands, nearly dropping it. He blinked to block out the tears that were ready to fall. He remembered the day he gave it to her. How casual he was when gifting it to her. But internally his mind and heart were screaming with joy.

"I'll never forget her, " Markus said.

"She knew you'd say that, which is why she gave me the ring and not you. She didn't want to listen to you saying those sincere words, I guess. " MJ crossed his arms with a huff, showing his breath in the cold and stinging air. "Why did winter have to be so cold? It feels like I'm sitting on a billion ice cubes right now." He glanced at his dad. "Hey, you alright? You don't look so good."

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, " MJ rolled his eyes, that's what they all say. "Just thinking." He fiddled with the ring between his fingers, feeling it again. It was all a memory. A blur. Something he couldn't bring back into his life. "Do you mind if I have a moment alone?"

"No, I'll be over by that tree, " MJ trudged away, leaving his dad alone with a lost soul. Markus inhaled freezing air before letting it escape him. This wasn't going to be easy.

"I really miss you. MJ does too, even if he doesn't show it much. We both miss you. Even Leo does. He misses your smart ass mouth, like me. I just wish you weren't gone. But, I wanted to say some things that I never got to say. They went unsaid and stuck in my mind." Markus sucked in a breath, preparing for what was about to come. "I've liked you since elementary school. I've liked you for more than seven years. And I'm glad to have met you. Even if your time was cut short. I'm happy to know that you followed me on this little adventure.

Even when it got bumpy and we had our arguments, we still loved each other. We had a child together. We raised him to be the best. And he is the best. You could've just walked away and left me heartbroken. But you took the risk and showed me the way to happiness. I want to thank you for that. You left me speechless. But you left me happy and content."

He sighed, gently tracing her name.

"You left me loved."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See y'all tomorrow.
> 
> Wanna read more shit?
> 
> Tumblr:  
> @robojesusislife
> 
> Wattpad:  
> @SaveMitch_2019

**Author's Note:**

> See y'all tomorrow.
> 
> Wanna read more of my crap writing?
> 
> Tumblr:  
> @robojesusislife
> 
> Wattpad:  
> @SaveMitch_2019


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